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By Dr. Élena Bagourdi, PhD, Clinical Psychologist | Specializing in relationships, attachment, emotional development, and emerging technology
In many classrooms today, something subtle is shifting.
As a clinical psychologist working with adolescents and families, I’m seeing this shift not only in schools, but in how young people relate to their own thinking.
"Have you ever been in a room full of people and still felt completely alone? Do you then typically reach for your phone? ... Somewhere inside there's a small quiet ache..... internet addiction or, digital compulsion, is rarely about the internet itself. From an attachment perspective, it's often a nervous system reaching for safety in a world that feels increasingly overwhelming."
From Dr. Bagourdi's Latest Youtube Video: Internet Addiction Isn’t About Screens — It’s About Attachment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3vHKjBvCgc&t=2s
“Healing happens in rupture and repair—when something goes wrong…and someone stays long enough to repair—or to part with honesty. AI can simulate closeness, but when we choose frictionless connection, we aren’t just avoiding pain…we’re avoiding the very mechanism of human growth. So here’s my truth for you today: The internet can soothe. AI can regulate. But only a human can hold you while you are messy. Only a human can choose you—freely—again and again.”
Grief does not only affect the person who experienced the loss. It also changes the emotional landscape of their closest relationships — especially romantic ones. When your partner loses a loved one, you may suddenly find yourself in unfamiliar territory: wanting desperately to help, while also feeling unsure of what to say, how to act, or whether you are doing enough.
In Dr. Bagourdi's latest blog about AI, Synthetic Safety Net (linked below), she mentions the following quote:
"For today: Don’t hide your real self because you fear rejection. Take a chance at dispelling avoidance and fear. Let yourself be seen. Let yourself be known. Be brave enough to be imperfect."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-HOFb2psXs
Let's elaborate on what this is all about.
It seems many older adults appear surprisingly calm, flexible, or even optimistic about AI, while younger generations often express a much deeper sense of fear, dread, and existential uncertainty about it. I have a general anecdotal theory.
Seeking safety through AI chatbots as social companions isn't wrong or weak. It does have profound impacts on the way we connect interpersonally when used in excess.
The consequence of looking for safety, by connecting with a chatbot that tends to your every interpersonal need so perfectly, is that you slowly lose the capacity to endure the risk, discomfort, and unpredictability of real relationships. It becomes harder to connect with humans the more you rely on the chatbot.
Let’s talk about the illusion of the “perfect” partner that AI has become for a lot of people.
When people think about therapy, they often imagine sitting in a chair talking through emotions, memories, or challenges. While traditional talk therapy can be deeply effective, sometimes emotions are difficult to explain. Sometimes grief feels too heavy to name, anxiety moves too quickly to describe, or trauma exists in the body before it can be organized into language. This is where art therapy can become a powerful path toward healing.
Have you ever opened your phone just for a second and then suddenly 30 minutes are gone? You're left trying to figure out what just happened.
That sense of losing time isn't laziness or a lack of discipline. It's a state of digital dissociation. Your nervous system enters in a trance that feels at least temporarily safer than being fully present. That loop and how it can literally remap your nervous system is what we will explore today.
Love bombing occurs when someone overwhelms another person with excessive affection, praise, gifts, communication, or promises in order to gain trust and emotional dependence quickly.