To use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, known as ACT, in improving our lives and wellbieng, one of the core pillars to getting started is clarifying your personal values; this will feel uplifting as you redefine and embrace who you truly are. It's easy to lose sight of what truly matters to us and how this negatively influences our self esteem. We often make decisions based on fear, avoidance, or autopilot habits instead of what we deeply care about.
But what exactly are my values? And how do I figure out what they are, truly?
In this blog post, we’ll explore how to identify your personal values and use them as a foundation for meaningful living through the lens of ACT. Values in ACT reflect what matters most to you, not what you should care about based on societal pressure or other people’s expectations. Living by your values helps you build a life that feels rich, full, and authentic — even when things are difficult.
Without clearly defined values, you may find yourself chasing things repeatedly in life that don’t fulfill you or avoiding discomfort in ways that keep you stuck. When you know your values, you gain a compass that helps you:
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Make decisions more easily
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Find purpose in everyday actions
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Persist through challenges
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Let go of unhelpful perfectionism
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Live with greater integrity
In ACT, identifying values is one of the core skills that supports psychological flexibility — the ability to adapt to change, accept difficult emotions, and take meaningful action.
Step 1: Reflect on Peak Moments
One of the most powerful ways to uncover your values is to reflect on times in your life when you felt truly alive, fulfilled, or proud of yourself. These moments often reveal what matters most. Journal about them and look for themes!
Ask yourself:
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What was happening in that moment and why did I care in the moment? Why is this image so clear to me now, too?
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Who were you with? How did you feel about being with them?
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What qualities were you expressing? What did your behavior in the situation say about who you are as a person?
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What made that moment meaningful then, and also looking back now? How do these notions compare?
You can also make a note to look at challenging moments in this same way. When were you upset or frustrated because something felt wrong or missing? That frustration may reveal a violated value — for instance, if you were angry when a team ignored your input, you might value respect, inclusion, or autonomy.
Step 2: Use a Values List (But Don’t Get Stuck There)
There are plenty of values lists available online that can help you brainstorm, such as:
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Courage
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Curiosity
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Family
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Honesty
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Creativity
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Justice
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Humor
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Growth
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Service
Choose the ones that resonate emotionally, not just intellectually. It's not what you wish you cared about or felt you should care about. It is about the truth.
If you’re circling a word and thinking, “I should care about this,” it’s probably not your value. Instead, look for values that inspire you, give you energy, or feel like a “yes” in your body.
To avoid overwhelm, narrow your list down to 5–10 core values. If two values feel similar, try combining them or choosing the one that feels stronger. This isn’t a permanent decision — your values can evolve over time.
Step 3: Imagine a Meaningful Life
Now, imagine your ideal day, one where you feel satisfied and aligned with yourself. You might not be rich or famous in this scenario, but you feel like you’re being the kind of person you want to be.
What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel?
This exercise taps into your intuitive sense of what matters. For example, you might picture yourself teaching, writing, traveling, or volunteering — all of which can point to values like learning, expression, freedom, or service.
Step 4: Turn Values into Action
Values come alive through committed action — that’s where the “commitment” in ACT comes in. Once you know what you care about, you can start making small, intentional choices that reflect those values, even when it's uncomfortable.
Ask yourself:
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“What’s one small thing I could do today to live out this value?”
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“What would it look like to bring this value into my relationships, work, or self-care?”
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“How could I show up with this value, even when I feel anxious or discouraged?”
Let’s say one of your core values is authenticity. That might mean speaking your truth in a meeting, even if it makes your heart race. Or if you value kindness, it might look like offering help to a struggling neighbor — even when you’re busy.
The key is not to wait for fear or doubt to disappear before acting. ACT teaches us to accept those internal experiences and move forward anyway — toward what truly matters.
Step 5: Check in and Realign
Values are a lifelong practice, not a one-time discovery. Life gets messy. We drift. We forget. That’s normal. The important thing is to regularly come back to your values, especially during moments of stress, confusion, or big decisions.
You can ask yourself:
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“Am I moving toward or away from my values right now?”
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“What value do I want to express in this situation?”
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“If I weren’t struggling with this thought or feeling, what would I choose to do?”
This kind of reflection helps you realign gently, without judgment.
A Note on Self-Compassion
Sometimes when we start reflecting on our values, we feel guilt or regret about not living up to them in the past. That’s okay. In ACT, we make space for that pain — it often means you care deeply.
Rather than beating yourself up, use that awareness as motivation. You can always take a step, no matter how small, toward the life you want to live. Every moment offers a fresh opportunity to realign with your values.
Discovering your values is not about figuring out what kind of person you’re supposed to be — it’s about uncovering the person you already are, underneath the noise, and surrendering to that version of yourself.
So take some time. Listen inward. Choose your direction. And begin walking.