It's normal to feel like the victim.
It's normal to feel wronged, bullied, hurt, and abused, and it's normal to feel like universal fate and forces are turned against you. It is easy to look back on life and find evidence to justify a perspective that the world wants to tear you down. For most, this is our default way of being. It's you and what you want versus reality. One could come back and just tell you to have a positive outlook, that things really are going your way but you just don't know it yet. Or, tell you to reclaim your power and have some agency to make a change, but it's not that simple. It's overwhelming. You need a step by step process. More importantly, you need support from others. There is a way to go from chronic victimhood to not only feeling like you have more control over your life, but also surrendering to the fact that for the most part, you don't --- and finding a positive sense of serenity in that truth. You'll know what to do with this fact, rather than just feel frazzled and hopeless.
First, you need to process. Get out all your anger. Journal about the experience but also, (and this is crucial), vent to friends and a therapist. It's going to feel really hard at first. Maybe you'll feel like a burden. Realize that when you reach out to ask for help, people get to help you, which makes them feel good. Also, it lets them know they can rely on you too when they need it. When journaling, name what happened in your own words and tone without filtering. Don't worry about moral clarity. Express yourself fully without judging your emotions and thoughts. Acknowledge this was genuinely a painful and horrible experience for you. Validate yourself. Then once you've gotten it all out on paper, talk about it with someone else. Or, vice versa if you're comfortable doing it in such a raw manner. That's great, too. You can also choose to talk to someone else at any point in the process. Maybe you'll want to do the next step, first.
The next step is: name the emotions. Get a clear picture of how this impacted your body, spirit, and psyche. Did you feel embarrassed and ashamed? Scared? Angry? Worthless? Ugly? Stupid? Self-hating? Anxious? Sick to your stomach? Itching in your own skin? Hateful toward others? Are you in a state of grief? Did you lose someone or something close to your heart? Do you miss them? Are you heartbroken?
After naming the emotions, name what you made them mean about who you are or what is going to happen in your life. "I must not be like-able." "I must seem annoying to them; I'm the worst person in my friend group." "I'm a horrible parent/lover/child/worker/etc." "I must not be attractive to this person, I need to lose weight." "I'm going to be a total failure and lose everything." "I'm going to be alone forever." "I can't do this; I don't want to do this anymore." If you felt extra hopeless: "My life is not worth living. Things will never get better. I'll never get through this."
Consider whether these thoughts are truthful or not. No need to have an answer one way or the other, and this is not a judgement or invalidation. It may not help anything to ask yourself this. But, just get into the habit of taking a moment to consider. This is just going to move the needle one step closer to a tangible truth, a granular way of seeing things, which gives you clarity, which is going to help later when you're problem solving. We just want to go from existential crisis all the way toward what's actually occurring in front of you --- being fully engulfed every step of the way in this very real and sensitive journey of growth. So, is it 100% true? Are you actually worthless? By what standard? Who said? What's the criteria? There's not a single worthy thing happening? Will you actually never get through this? Why so? Why do you think that? Have you gotten through similar things? Again, you can completely dig your heels into your initial perspective and there's nothing wrong with that. Just ask. You don't even have to answer the question. Just ask.
At this point, you know what happened in very explicit and clear terms. You know how it made you feel. You know what kind of thoughts and beliefs it led you to have. You self-inquired to really find where your perspective lies.
Now, when you are 100% ready to do so, and without any rush to this step.... ask yourself what your "part" in the situation was. In what ways did you contribute to this situation occurring? This cannot be done with any self-punishment. It must be done entirely neutrally. It's completely, utterly, truly okay. You are no better or worse than any individual person in this world. You are not all good and you are not all bad. You're safe enough to tell the truth.
You won't be able to truly get this until you processed your emotions about the situation, so if it feels way too hard to admit where you had a role, move back to the previous steps.
Here's an example of the process done in full:
I got into a car accident; i'm entirely fine, but it's totaled. I'm angry at the other driver since the accident was 0% my fault. I'm really deeply scared, shooken up, ashamed of everything in my life, and so worried about the future. I'm deeply ashamed and lonely. I made this accident mean that I am an idiot. I am going to lose my job without a car to drive there, be unable to work, and am never going to financially recover; the world is out to get me, and I'm a chronic failure. God hates me. I'm considering truths --- that my job will probably in fact fire me because of this transportation loss, and I have no idea yet how I'm going to move on financially. Anything could happen to me.
I didn't have any part in the actual car accident, it was the other's drivers fault. But I do play a part in the fact that I haven't been good at accumulating savings in my account for emergencies. I've been spending it on food, alcohol, and impulsive purchases. I'm under so much stress and not dealing with it properly or talking to a friend or professional, so I cope in these other ways that are financially draining me. I don't take good care of myself or my feelings or my stress and exhaustion. I have been a bad employee and don't have a close relationship with my boss. They're probably waiting for an excuse to fire me, whereas had I been taking care of myself, showing up well with integrity, and had we had a close relationship and I made myself an integral member of the team, they'd be supportive and help me try to find a solution. I wouldn't feel so scared of them if that was the case. I suppose that I can figure out a way through the public transportation system. I can get to work. It's just going to take a really long time. I'll need to have a real conversation with my boss. Maybe I can be totally honest about everything I'm realizing and let them know truthfully about my situation. Moving forward, I really need to set myself up for success by planning for emergencies logistically, but also relationally. I need to get closer with the communities I am a part of so I don't feel so alone. I'll have people to ask for help.
In the above example, we demonstrated how by the end of this process, the character found the ways in which they contributed to their problem, and then was able to establish where they had agency or control in the situation. It went from a completely hopeless crisis to a clarifying event that helped them see where they need to change their lifestyle and approach to things. Problem solving became possible, and in this case, it became possible quickly. In reality, you might need others' perspectives to help you. We know how different and difficult each situation can be. It won't be this clear. It won't be this easy. But you now have some basic, small, simple tools to hopefully help you get started on this road to transformation in some way or another.