
Improving the relationship between a mother and a daughter requires open communication and emotional understanding, which is especially difficult if your family lineage has seen repeated patterns of difficult dynamics between mothers and daughters. This means that there have been deeply ingrained patterns, wounds, and blindspots. The first step to healing and breaking the cycle is to build an environment where both the mother and daughter feel safe expressing themselves – which takes inner work on both of their parts. What are their fears?
Often, unspoken assumptions and insecurities can lead to misunderstandings. Each party is ought to identify their own needs and communicate them in a safe place. For instance, one person might learn to ask questions to understand the others’ perspectives better, while one person can practice articulating their feelings without fear of dismissal or judgment — or, maybe both apply to both. Empathy is critical to achieving this.
Mothers and daughters often carry different life experiences, which can create gaps in understanding that lead to tension. Practicing empathy involves actively listening to one another without immediately responding, allowing each person to truly consider the other’s viewpoint and emotional state. Both individuals have led very different lives. This process can also include identifying and challenging cognitive distortions, such as assuming negative intent in the other's words or actions. By cultivating empathy and challenging unhelpful assumptions, both mother and daughter can begin to see each other’s strengths and struggles, ultimately deepening their emotional bond.
Finally, setting healthy boundaries is essential for a positive mother-daughter dynamic, allowing both individuals to develop autonomy within the relationship; this can even exist within the bounds of cultures that typically practice a more matriarchal family system. Healthy, achievable, and realistic boundaries can exist in any family, as these dynamics widely vary in each family --- this is an individual process. However, certain broader guidelines might apply: for example, family systems theory suggests that too much closeness, or enmeshment, can lead to dependency and conflict, while excessive distance can lead to alienation.
Working together to define each person's needs and boundaries—such as personal space, topics to discuss openly, and times to connect—helps reduce friction and encourages mutual respect. Family therapists can also provide tools for handling conflicts and respecting boundaries, as both mother and daughter learn to self-reflect, manage expectations, and take accountability for their roles in the relationship.