A friend recently told me they had been going through a breakup and a lot of big life changes: transformation. They had begun thinking about their mental health, communication style, and relationship patterns in-depth for the first time in many years. They expressed that they had found themselves having conversations with Chat GPT and other AI tools to help them understand their thinking better, introduce new coping skills, and provide reflections about what they are telling the software. For someone who described themselves as shy, private, and avoidant, this made sense as their first stepping stone into the world of self-development. I revered their bravery and first steps on a journey to a happier and more fulfilling life. I expressed how AI can be a great way to find personalized and tailored information, how the first step being attaining a basic overview of what may be occuring, psycho-education, is powerful.
At the same time, this individual had expressed that what would really bring fulfillment to their life is more friendship, more connection. They want to be able to develop friendships with co-workers, regulars at the restaurant they work for, date more openly and vulnerably.... with this being said, we began a conversation about being seen. How messy and humiliating it can be, especially as someone raised very conservatively and with perfectionistic tendencies, to "put yourself out there." "Go out on a limb." I proposed that maybe, the uncertainty and questions he brings to his AI machine would be better brought to a friend or acquaintance. You can practice being seen and being vulnerable, and most likely, in most cases, you'll be rewarded for it. Either way, even without it being means to an end, the practice alone of being open comes with benefits to you --- confidence in who you are, and benefits to the receiver --- either an opportunity to be of service, or inspiration for their own oppeness. After all, it's easier to be yourself following in the path of someone before you who was brave enough to model it and show it is not so scary after all. It's remarkable.
What AI Does Well: Structure, Reflection, and Immediate Support
AI excels at certain forms of emotional assistance. It can help someone:
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Organize complex thoughts
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Reframe a situation in a new way
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Identify patterns
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List coping strategies
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Reduce immediate distress by stating sentences that remind individuals their experience is universal
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Reflect back in new terms
For people who struggle with initiating conversations, fear burdening others, or feel unsure how to articulate their emotions, AI can feel like a gentle entry point. There is no fear of rejection. No awkward silence. No worry about saying the “wrong” thing.
But the key words here are: "gentle entry point." The next step is really where the juice of healing would occur.
What AI Cannot Do: Attachment, Repair, and Emotional Risk
Human beings are wired for relational regulation. Our nervous systems develop and stabilize through connection with others. Emotional pain is often not just about what happened—but about feeling alone in what happened.
AI cannot provide:
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Mutual vulnerability
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Emotional risk
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Relational repair
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Nonverbal attunement
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Shared history
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Genuine reciprocity
When you tell a friend how scared, ashamed, confused, or sad you feel, you are not simply describing an experience—you are entering a relational moment. You are allowing yourself to be seen, imperfectly and fully, by another person. That moment carries risk of negative feelings. You taking that risk and then comfort being provided instead is re-wiring your brain, conditioning for healing. You can even provide yourself that comfort if they do not give it to you, reminding yourself why it's important to walk through the world as yourself and not a mechanical puppet of fear. If among every walk of life, you're better at dealing with negative emotions and fear, less catastrophy looms around you. The dark cloud is gone. Now you're walking through life free to experience all things with no need to avoid and isolate, which leaves you at greater odds to be connected and rewarded. You can look for more winning moments, connected moments, and happy moments, by being you as much as possible. You're willing to risk the negative emotions because you don't fear them. You welcome all of it. You're really, truly free to live and see goodness.
Vulnerability Builds Emotional Strength, Not Weakness
Many people turn to AI because vulnerability feels uncomfortable. Calling a friend might mean crying, stumbling over words, or not knowing how the conversation will land. There is a fear of being misunderstood, dismissed, or emotionally exposed.
But vulnerability is not a liability—it is a psychological skill. Avoiding vulnerability may feel protective in the short term, but it often deepens loneliness in the long term. Relying exclusively on AI for emotional processing can subtly reinforce emotional avoidance. Over time, a person may become skilled at analyzing feelings without ever expressing them relationally.
This can lead to:
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Increased isolation
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Reduced emotional intimacy
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Difficulty asking for help
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Over-intellectualization of feelings
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A false sense of self-sufficiency
This is not an argument against AI. When used thoughtfully, AI can be a powerful support tool to bridge you into the next step --- courage! Calling a friend requires courage. It means choosing connection over control. It means allowing uncertainty. It means trusting that you are worthy of care, even when you feel messy or unsure.
If you’re struggling, consider this question: Who in my life could I let see this part of me?